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Get off the island. Save an animal

Free hypothetical rescue tool. Plug in your three lifts, find out which animal from a 19-tier ladder you can carry across uneven sand to a waiting boat. Guppy to blue whale.

3 lifts · ~30s

Your numbers

lb
lb
lb
lb
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First plan in 4 minutes.

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How this works

The point of this tool is not the math. It is the moment where the result lands and you know exactly which animal you would carry off the island. We did the calibration by walking through real animal weights and asking 'would a 1200-lb-total lifter actually carry this'.

The formula is intentionally Fermi: it tracks the right shape across thousands of inputs without claiming three-decimal accuracy.

  1. Sum your lifts

    Squat plus bench plus deadlift, in pounds. We multiply your total by 0.70 because dynamic carries lose grip, balance, and traverse capacity that static one-rep maxes do not test.

  2. Subtract bodyweight tax

    Carrying anything across uneven sand also requires you to carry yourself. We subtract 30 percent of your bodyweight as a rough cost of self-transport.

  3. Walk the ladder

    Nineteen tiers from a single guppy (0.005 lb) to the whole blue whale (300,000 lb). We pick the heaviest animal whose weight is at or below your computed capacity.

This is a vibe check, not a rescue plan. Do not actually approach a Komodo dragon.

Common questions

It is a Fermi estimate, not a published number. Total of S+B+D times 0.70 to account for the gap between static lifts and dynamic carries (grip, traverse, balance), minus 30 percent of bodyweight to account for the simple fact you have to carry yourself across the same uneven sand. The math is simple. The animal selection is the joke.